I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize