after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize