I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Randomize
