we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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