when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
