Apparently you make a good broom.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
