My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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