just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
