i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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