Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am naked and annoyed.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
