It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
