is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
