You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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