fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize