"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so explain again why im purple
no
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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