Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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