I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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