I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
