Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize