i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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