What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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