if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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