Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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