How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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