I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
