I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
