he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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