I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
