between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
