dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I could fuck to npr.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
