You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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