Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
