There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
