I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
