This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
