Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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