Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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