so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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