Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I love you. Go after that dick
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
