you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize