super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
