she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
