so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
