did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Shame - the story of my life.
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