before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Shame - the story of my life.
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