I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
