oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
