Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
