Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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