I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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