Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
