I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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