You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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