Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
