So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
