I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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