why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
