Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
