I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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