where am i from again
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
