Tell her she can't have a vagina
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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