You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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