I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
