you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He felt like a one man threesome
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We have started to decorate penises.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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