Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize