So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
