After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize