Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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