Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
