So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I have demons in me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
