We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
