I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
