I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
