That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
