apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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