Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
