I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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