Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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