I think I won the penis lottery.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize