We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
