two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
