We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You've changed since you got that strap on
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
