Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
