Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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