she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize