you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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