Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
