Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
