My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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