ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
