his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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