The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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