he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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