my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
