since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
