i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize