Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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