Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
