I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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